The In-between 5/11
Or Politics, The Word Search, and some Non-Sondheim media
I don’t know how to talk about politics. I used to! I used to like talking about politics in high school. I thought it made me sound intelligent! I liked knowing things! I liked arguing and I was an arrogant teenager. I thought it was fun.
I don’t anymore. I mean I really don’t. When I got out of hospital the first time it was the thing I really let go of. I had bigger problems! I mean they felt bigger. But they were also fightable.
And... politics. I mean I think the state of the country is terrifying... and overwhelming. And I feel like if I ever really recon with how terrifying I find them, I’d undo a lot of my progress. Distance is survival for me. It is also cowardly. And I don’t know how to recon those two things other than to read another romance novel.
Also the older I get the less confident I feel that I have the “right” opinions. I feel like whenever I talk politics to someone, they always seem like they know more than me. Or I disagree and don’t know enough to back myself up. I feel like I am endlessly getting my foot stuck in my mouth and into arguments I didn’t want to be in. I feel more and more that all of the details make me itchy and we should just be nice to each other. And I mean that in the comrade Jesus kind of way! Feed the hungry, heal the sick, shelter the homeless, love thy fucking neighbor kind of way.
But upon listening to Anyone Can Whistle again, which is not our show of the week but is my favorite, I heard something familiar within its message. As I once said about the meaning of the show “We have no choice but to make the best decisions we can, whenever we can, and then trust that the world won’t betray us.” Which, like, good on me, that’s decent analysis. But it also sounded familiar. I couldn’t help hearing “No One is Alone”. An evolved version, sure, but Whistle’s “Maybe you’re going to fall/ But it’s better than not starting at all!” in comparison to Wood’s “Giants can be good/ You decide what’s right/ You decide what’s good” felt... familiar. They both ask you to take blind leaps of faith in yourself, reassuring you that there are confusing consequences, but that the doing is important. Inaction, they argue, is the only thing not an option.
And then from there I couldn’t help hearing it everywhere. In Gypsy, “Some people sit on their butts/ Got the dream—yeah, but not the guts!” In Company, “Don’t be afraid that it won’t be perfect.../ The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won’t be!” In Follies “The roads you never take/ Go through rocky ground/ Don’t they?/ The choices that you make/ Aren’t all that grim” In Merrily, “We’re the names in tomorrow’s papers/ Up to us now to show ‘em”
And in Sunday, the show I’m fresh off of, “Stop worrying where you’re going/ Move on.” Road Show has “Addie, take the chance/ Or it disappears!/ Every card you’re dealt opens new frontiers–/ Let’s be pioneers!” Assassins says, “If you can’t do what you want to/ Then you do the things you can/ You’ve got to try again!”
I mean it’s even there in The-fucking-Frogs!:
Don’t just shrug
Content to be a conscientious slug
It’s fine to feel contented, safe and snug
But soon enough contented turns to smug
Don’t shovel what’s uncomfortable underneath the rug
Speak up! Get sore!
Do something more than just deplore
An overarching theme here is that inaction is the only thing we can’t do. And I don’t know what that means for me politically. I’m still a remarkably offline person! The only politician I follow is Zohran Mamdani! In general, I don’t really know what’s trending, or catastrophizing, or canceled or in! I’m happier this way.
But I still take a lot from that message. My mantra has become “Fall if you have to, but lady make a noise!” And I’m able to apply it to my friendships! My interpersonal relationships! I’m doing a cabaret based on this project in November, because I took a risk and pitched it! I’ve made a noise and imposed brunch on Abby once a month. And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I talk to people more, I read outside of my comfort zone (or try to.) I take deep breaths and fall into calmness more often, my noises are more ambivalent when my instinct says to be otherwise. It’s an ambivalence that feels dangerous because of the amount I used to care. Used to argue and disagree, used to insist and persist. I save my ambition for my writing, for finding community, for maintaining friendships new and old; instead of petty arguments.
On second thought maybe I’m not embodying what Sondheim professed. But it is interesting though. I’m not sure Sondheim meant to teach us that, but he did.
I just never learned it.
Maybe not yet.
Magically,
Ava
